If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
