theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
