All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
