Christians are straight up FREAKS
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
