I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
