I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
