I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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