i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
