that's an acceptable place to lick
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
