You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
