and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
