Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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