All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize