I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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