stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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