I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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