So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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