If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
