She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
