he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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