I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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