dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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