Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
