I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
