Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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