I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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