i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
