is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
