omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..