i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
In a bet, need to win
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
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hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship