literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I am one with the molecules
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?