I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
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I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
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I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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