Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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