I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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