Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
