There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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