You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
