you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
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Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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