It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
