is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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