So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
