I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
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