i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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