your parents love me but you hate me
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
