Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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