I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
