I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
