He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
