Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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