It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
