Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
