how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
