tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
