i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
