Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
