why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
