Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
