Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
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I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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