I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
