it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
time to smoke my breakfast
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
