Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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