thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
