She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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