I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
