We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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