So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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