My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
