I am puke
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
