Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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