Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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