my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
