I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Randomize
